Purple Haze

(for the record, it was Bush, Chemicals Between Us when i started writing and i have no idea why that song inspired this)

this song is taking me away...
to a room, lit mostly by candles, incense burning.
a mattress on the floor, tapestries on the wall.
a sooty, unused fireplace, low windows.
creaking wooden floor.
it's my turn, i breathe in--hold it, exhale.
cough, cough, cough--burning my lungs.
i look around slowly for my glass of water, slowly.
i see it, grasp it.
forget to drink it.
the music is loud, his eyes are close to me, his knee resting against my thigh.
i wonder if he is still with the girl he met when i moved away, leaving him forlornly behind.
he hasn't mentioned her.
the cd is skipping.
we both look at the stereo.
for a long time, lost in the rhythm of the repeating note.
he stretches his body across the floor and touches a button.
i cock my head and smile, the realization like warm soup, slowly making its way inward: skipping cd; fixed.
he stays where he is, sprawled across the cold floor.
i begin to think he is asleep.
i crawl toward him, on all fours, suddenly afraid he is dead.
he sits up, hits his head on the edge of a dresser, curses--all slowly, like walking in thick mud.
we laugh at his hand rubbing his sore head.
then i realize the laughter stopped, and i don't remember how long ago, or why it started.
just his eyes.
green.
we've been sitting looking at each other for a long time.
i try to remember her name, so i can ask him.
he becomes defensive, turns away.
i stand to leave, unsteadily.
leaving again? he says.
bitterly.
i turn back to him, confused, but losing the haze.
--i'm here.
he pulls me down.
don't leave again....are you going to? don't...
without you nothing's right--everything's purple, green, orange--inside out, upside down....
i can't.
i can't.
you have to stay.
he is rambling, saying these words softly into my hair.
i feel them more than i hear them.
i thought them before he said them--before i even knew i would see him.
we both cry and don't smile yet, but find each other's lips.
home.
my soul is home.